Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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