I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
