i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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