Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
