Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
