My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
