I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
