Nicole vs. Life
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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