Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
