So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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