no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
