So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Someone came in the potted fern
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
