I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
honey bunches of taint.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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