If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
