she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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