don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
