I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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