i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
