If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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