Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I did not marry a roomba.
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