if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
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i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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