New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
