Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
