whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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