This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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