I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
