one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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