I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
