haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
