I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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