I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
