guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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