Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
