I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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