i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
