so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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