Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
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she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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