Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize