When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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