we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
