I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
