I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
