I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
