i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
