You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
