My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
