my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
