also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
