Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
