Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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