I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
