im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
