If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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