i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
