Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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