pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
