my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
