Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
