He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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