I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
