Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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