So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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