hotel room ftw
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
did i walk over a car last night?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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