I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
