mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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