omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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