omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
