I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize