Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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