Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
