i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
where does the pee come out of this thing
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
