I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
