You're completely useless in the revolution.
My hand turned me down
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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