How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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