Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
