you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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